A magical kind of God

Chris,
The problem is I really do believe in God.
I really, really do believe that he actually does exist.

Just like the kitchen table is real, God is that real to me. Arguing whether or not God is real or not is like arguing over whether or not wind exists without a microscope. You can't see wind; you can only see what it does to us on the earth.

In the same way I can see what God is doing here on earth, in my life and in the life of others. I see the evidence of his existence through his effect on life. We simply haven't invented a "spirit-scope" yet. Does that mean the spirit realm does not exist? Or does it just mean we have not created an instrument to look at it?
Secular Psychology says a belief in God is magical thinking. Just like torturing a voodoo doll is believed to cause pain in the actual person, prayer can also affect an actual person. There is no REAL connection between the "remedy" and the problem. People who follow these rituals, superstitions and religions are trying to solve problems with "magic". It is a mental illness not an alternate universe with invisible beings running around toying with our world. These "deluded people" read into coincidences and feel their "magic" has worked. They ignore anything that counters this far-reaching belief and try to force their "insanity" on society.

About 3 days after Dacey left one of my friends, Jade pretty much “ordered” me off to counseling. I was still in “Deer in the headlights” mode.

I just wanted to sit in a corner and stare……….. “This can’t be real?!?!?”

Yet she refused to give me peace, she hounded me mercilessly. I mumbled something about “I wouldn’t have clue where to go….” So she did a mountain of research and sent me this email with the names and addresses of local counselors. Her extreme pushiness was killing me. I got that it was motivated out of a sincere concern but her pressure made me freeze not “snap into action”. I wanted to wait on God and see how he led. She was making it impossible for me to hear God.

Once the email was sent I got a phone call with a demand….. “Let me know WHICH counselor you are going to see.” It was pretty clear by her tone there were going to be consequences if I did not pick one of these counselors.

Frankly at the time I was afraid of going into secular counseling. I was afraid I would end up in a push-me-pull-me over being a Christian. Instead of dealing with the things I want to deal with I speculated I would be on the defense trying to prove I am not a crazy person for wanting to be a Christian.

Jade of course was in a complete panic…..
”You won’t get ANY real help in the church! You need to go in for REAL counseling!”

Eventually I succumbed to her pressure and agreed to go in for counseling but I wanted to wait until I was ready which meant to me that God had given me the “go-ahead”. This response infuriated her. She blew her stack and ended our friendship…….

Yup, over that.

I called my other friend Sheila in tears. Sheila theorized the reason Jade had blown this out of proportion was because Jade and her husband were planning on relocating to a different state once her husband finished his degree. This would be happening in a few months. So in reality Jade was making it easier for her to move away by alienating the friends she was leaving behind. I was not the only one she pushed aside.

A few days later Jade called me up and invited me over. She apologized. However she was cold in the way she had done it. I justified her calloused demeanor by believing that she just still needs to cool off.  I figured that she’ll be OK in a few days but she was never really the same, though I kept trying to pretend that she was. It wasn’t until after she left town that I found out that Sheila had called Jade up and basically forced her to reconcile with me in her conversation.
 “BE NICE TO HER UNTIL YOU GUYS MOVE!!”

Here I believed my friendship was basically repaired, talked out and dealt with when in reality it was a sham…….. Just like my marriage was a sham. Just like in my marriage when my husband and I went through the motions of reconciliation after an argument, I pretended like the motions had worked and we were as good as new, whereas in reality the tension never let up………….ever. He was always mad at me. I simply pretended that it had worked.

What else could I do? If you ask them (anyone who does this) “Are you still mad at me?” They simply lie….. “Nope”.  How do you reconcile with a liar? You can't.

I was FURIOUS with Sheila.
 “Why didn’t you tell me it was a FAKE reconciliation!!!!!” I had bared my soul to Jade in those months thinking she was a confidant. I felt like a complete fool. In reality I felt betrayed by both of them. Sheila just set her jaw in resistance. She felt creating a fake reconciliation was the right thing for her to have done: Fighting is wrong….being nice is right. She did the right thing.

It seems to me looking back that Jade had cashed in her Christian values for the ones she says she got during her counseling appointments. She had found a “higher wisdom” that was far more effective then the values of Christianity that we had been raised with.

Before I knew Jade, she had gone on the mission field for a year working as a “nurse”. She was not a real nurse just a young girl full of ambition and a love for Jesus.  Working overseas you see a lot of ugliness, pain and suffering. She did not have proper medical supplies or training but simply did what she could to help with what she had.

Coming back from Southeast Asia was extremely difficult and she was hit with the culture shock.
Her friends back at church just expected her to be her normal “I love Jesus” self.
Instead she became confused and spiritually disoriented for a season.
Her childlike innocence was gone.

She didn't get the support she needed from friends so she turned to professional counselling. This in turn seemed to create a hard shell towards a world she once loved. She remained a Christian but a disconnected one. She was not going to get involved again. “Don’t take it too seriously.”

I had seen this before……..
The year before Dacey’s little brother spent a year in Central America. He worked with Nicaraguan war orphans and did manual labor for the local churches in neighboring countries. Upon his return he was also empty lost and haggard. He hung his head “I don’t know if I even believe in God anymore……….”

Instead of supporting him people were annoyed with him.
I encouraged my husband to spend time with him and told his brother to ignore them. “You will feel better, this happens to everyone. It is culture shock. He responded that he knew, they told him this would happen. I prayed for him and continued to encourage Dacey to hang out with his brother.

Dacy's brother was doing fine until he saw a car accident on the freeway. A car veered off and hit the guardrail. Dacy's brother pulled off to help. Instead he ran into a horrible situation.

The driver was slumped over his steering wheel and the woman on the passenger side pulled a gun out of the glovebox. He screamed and jumped back. She put the gun to her own head and pulled the trigger. Dacy's brother was covered with splatter.

Once we got into contact with him and I heard his story I was exasperated by the calloused things people were saying to him. “Get over it!” “Move on!” “Quit whining!” “Man up would’cha!” “Ya gotta be strong!” It was either that or treat him like he had leprosy……”Oh my gosh…that is so horrid! You will be completely screwed up now! Then just stare at him like he was a freak of nature and slowly back away.

I was furious.
Why are people being so mean? This just does not make sense to me. Thor started having panic attacks. He was just as outgoing as Dacey yet he was becoming fearful of crowds. Mr. SUPER SUPER extrovert was going into hiding. Not good.

I sat him down…..Listen what you are experiencing is NORMAL!
Tell them to screw off!
You just watched a woman blow her head up. You will be freaked out for awhile…… not forever just awhile. You will get over this.”

I relayed the story of how my house burned down when I was 22yrs old and how it affected me afterwords. We had PTSD for months but it went away. Luckily for me I had my roommate to talk through it with.  

She smoked cigarettes. She lit a match and we both screamed and she threw the match in a panic. She was flipping her hands around like a girl who thinks a spider just landed on her.

We were in a restaurant.

 I whisper-screamed “OH #%&@ grab it grab it!” She jumped on to the floor crawling around trying to find the match. We both just started laughing. We looked like complete morons! I teased her “What are you freaking out about you’re the one who lit the match!” She laughed “I had no idea I would panic like that!”  Yes I let out a scream of terror in public because someone lit a match…….
how embarrassing.

Another time we were driving down the road and there was mud smeared on a road sign that had the same pattern as the walls inside the house. The walls were black from soot. The water from the fire hoses had created streaks down the walls.
When we saw the sign we both screamed and tried to crawl into the back seat of the car…..
she was driving.
Again I gave her grief “Stop it! Only I can panic you are driving!”  
We both just busted up laughing.
It gave me a sense of comfort seeing her panic in the exact same instant that I had. It also gave me comfort that we could laugh it off together, neither of us judging each other.

I had hoped this story would help Thor see this is just life…..get through it and you’ll be as good as new maybe better.
Do like the cop told you: Keep talking and cry if you feel like it.
Wash that pain out. It will feel better eventually.
I heard once “talk until you are bored.” If you are bored with your own story then you are healed.  

With the fire I had the freedom love and support to do that.
With my divorce the world had changed.
People had very different ideas on how to deal with difficulty now.

For some reason people now feel “you power that person down”
Force them into compliance,
Order them around,
or declare them a lost cause and walk away.
Call them negative
If you show them any compassion you are enabling them. They will never get over it if you cottle them. It may seem mean but it is really good for people if you are tough with them through a difficult and painful time.

There is this assumption that if a person is in a bad place
 it is because they are a bad person;
 God is punishing them……so I will too.
At least it seemed that way.

Then I heard that “magical” voice of God say in my heart:

 “Call this lady.”
In my mind I heard this unfamiliar voice answer the phone and say
 “Hello?”